As he sits down on a clean slate canvas
He paints his ideas of creativity
It brings joy to the outsiders of his world
He has created masterpiece by masterpiece
Reaching for his earphones...
Silencing all distraction
With his music
The smooth sounds fill the canvas
With vibrant colors
This clean isn't so clean after all
Dirty with glow
He lights up the world
as the day does by, bring joy to people in need
The healer , the advisor
Always putting a smile on there faces
Leaving them in peace
Nothing can stop
For he is past the clouds
Looking down on Earth.
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Micah,
ReplyDeleteI'll start by saying that your poem is very discipive and vivid. I really like the details that you used like (...the smooth sounds fill the canvas). I also really liked how you described music as if it were art. (And personally I can realate). But on the other hand you could use alittle more evocuative language, and also a more voice in your poem to show your involvement or comparison to your goddess. But other that that, good job!!!
-Marissa :)
Micah!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your poem. I see how this character relates to you. I like how this poem describes the myth of the character, than writing it like a metaphor poem. Yet still it show the connection and how you and that character relate to each other. You did well on the structure of this poem it flows well from beginning to end. In the beginning you write about how he starts of then it flows to him in the middle of working and ending it off with the finishing product on how people enjoy his work. I like your choice of words like the word "slate canvas" gives the reader an idea of how that looks like. You should probably create a stronger ending to finish up your poem. Other than that Good Job on your peom. :)
Hi Micah,
ReplyDeleteNice job! If I am correct, the allusion is to Apollo, god of music and art?
I liked the touch with the earphones to compare you to the myth...I would suggest adding something about "digital" or "electronic" to also capture that comparison.
Although your teammates liked the phrase "slate canvas," I think it is actually redundant (the slate is the canvas)...plus, "clean slate" is somewhat cliche. So maybe "clean" or "blank" canvas...or you might even identify what your canvas is, in this digital age :)
I'm a bit confused about the reference to "clean isn't clean" and "dirty with glow"...I think that could be clarified and made more direct.
I agree with Raena on the ending. I'm not sure it is the "looking down on Earth" that you are actually focusing on in your poem.
But overall, a really nice job!
Don't forget the graphic...
mrs s