Thursday, December 3, 2009

Angry Letter Draft

Dear Kamehameha Shopping Center Administration,

I’ve been going to “Kamz”, as we call it, for more than 8 years now. Whether going there for groceries or even just to go for a bite, your services always have that Aloha spirit and kindness. But, overall Kamehameha Shopping Center has been a part of my life and has done such a great job serving.

However, we have encountered some problems throughout this year with one of most popular restaurants in the complex. This problem has happens to us many times. Whenever we would walk into Sumo Ramen, to eat in and have lunch we were never greeted. We would have to find a seat and seat our selves. The first time this incident occurred, is when my sister, my friends, and I went to go have lunch there. Waiting for about 10 minutes for the menus to be placed in front of us, the waitress finally sees us. Then after a couple of minutes the waitress calls us up and tells us to order up front, when we specifically told her that we were eating in. We were all confused the fact that we were coming in for lunch and not for takeout, so we let it slip and ordered our food. So far, we obviously weren’t too happy about the service and we were very concerned. It only then got worse when she brought out our orders out. Thinking we were going to get silverware and nice plates, which are usually used when you eat in, we got was takeout containers and plastic utensils instead. This made us more concerned. While we were eating, trying to enjoy our food, a lady and her daughter walk in. The same waitress greets them, seats them in their chairs, and places the menus nicely in front of them. She then took their orders and gives them water. Less than about 5 minutes their gyoza was in front of them; rather to us, we waited approximately 15 minutes for everything. We were finally done with our lunches, so we got up of our seat and started to walk out. Crossing the street to our parking space, the same waitress comes out of the restaurant and specifically tells us, “No! You guys have to come back and clean up!” in a very mean voice. We thought the waitress usually does her job and cleans up after the customers. We all weren’t too happy about the waitress telling us to clean up something that wasn't our job to do, so we ignored her and walked to our car.

We were very suspicious on why this waitress treated us this way, knowing Kamehameha Shopping Center has great service. We knew it wasn’t our ethnicity because the lady and her daughter looked the same ethnicity, just like us. So the only thing was our age.

As the week passed, I asked my other friends if they have gone through the same incident as ours. They told me that they have notice the same exact behavior on the same exact waitress.

Sumo Ramen is one of my favorite places to enjoy a bite, but I would suggest that the service there needs to be straightened up and have that Aloha spirit like all the other stores. Other than that this situation with teens eating at Sumo Ramen and getting this kind of treatment is still occurring.

Mahalo and Sincerely,
Micah Bulosan

2 comments:

  1. Elloooo Micah !!!
    Good job on your post Micah ! You are such a great writer :) Before i critique your draft i would like to say that your situation shocked me completely ! Especially when the lady yelled at you guys "No! You guys have to come back and clean up!" wooooooooooowww ! haha.

    Anyways, i loved how your letter flowed from beginning to end. When you first showed your appreciation to Kam Shopping Center, "Whether going there for groceries or even just to go for a bite, your services always have that Aloha spirit and kindness" to where you flowed into your situation of concern, "... most popular restaurants in the complex... The first time this incident occurred.... " and to when you closed your letter with "... Sumo Ramen is one of my favorite places to enjoy a bite, but I would suggest that the service there needs to be straightened up..." with respect and i also liked how you expressed your feelings and thoughts in between. For example, "... We were very suspicious on why this waitress treated us this way, knowing Kamehameha Shopping Center has great service..."
    Also i liked how you worded your statements and sentences in this letter. It sounded mature and proper. For example, "...Less than about 5 minutes their gyoza was in front of them; rather to us, we waited approximately 15 minutes for everythin..."

    I believe the things that you should consider to help you improve in this letter is maybe reading the letter out loud because some letter and sentences dont make sense! haha. Take this sentence for example ".. This problem has happens to us many times. .."

    But overall your piece was good!
    Good job and good luck on your final :)

    <3,
    daphnejayne

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  2. WOW, you did a really good job micah on your letter. I think I am going to have a hard time finding some errors in this draft.

    I really liked how your letter is ORGANIZED. You started off with a really great intro: "I’ve been going to “Kamz”, as we call it, for more than 8 years now. Whether going there for groceries or even just to go for a bite, your services always have that Aloha spirit and kindness......". It shows that you'r a regular visitor at kams and you enjoy going there. You didn't "trash" or complain yet about the incident that happened at sumo ramen.

    You were also very specific about what had happened at sumo ramen's. You were detailed about what happened when you walked in, how they didn't greet you and your friends, to how they yelled out for you out of the store to clean up the mess on the table.

    Oh wait i did find some errors:P
    Some of the sentences do not flow together well or do not make sense such as this one:"We were all confused the fact that we were coming in for lunch and not for takeout, so we let it slip and ordered our food." You should revise it and make it into two different sentences.

    I think other errors you had were typos but over-all good job micah! Just fix the sentences that do not make sense and you will have a great letter!

    -cynthia

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